A pattern of thought has evolved in me the last couple of years as I think on God and my relationship with Him. It revolves around this idea and imagery of stepping into the river, which represents my dream or calling, rather than sitting and wandering around on the side. This first emerged about 2 years ago as I was asked to do a dramatic reading of a text for a sermon at my church. The scripture was from Joshua 3, where God asks his priest to take the ark of the cov't across the rising river. But he assures them to not be afraid, the river will stand up in a heap when they step in with the ark, and all of Israel will be able to cross behind on dry land. If they obey, this is what they will experience, and it will be a tangible example to them of how God will go before them and hand their enemies over to them.
Preparing the reading and hearing the sermon a few times that weekend, I ended up wrestling with this text a great deal...because I could relate. I sensed God leading me to step into the river, make some risky moves, pursue some passions and go to scary places. But the promise of standing on dry ground in the middle of the river part did not seem possible and I could not bring myself to expect that, much less believe it. So I remained firmly planted on the shore, where my logic and the realm of possibility comfortably coexist.
I'm thinking on rivers again today because I took the day off to rest and write a bit; but started the day off hiking by the river that runs through my city. Even as I write this, I am rocking by the river at a coffee shop, one of my favorite spots to occasionally retreat. A blue heron greeted me as I strolled up, it's breezy and there is a wide open view of the Chattahoochee...it's soothing and restorative listening to the river rush along.
I've always enjoyed rivers, really. Hiking through them in NC or after a rain storm in Africa, strolling along one in Savannah. There is power there and steadiness within them. And God uses them a lot in his word to demonstrate his power and forgiveness. But lately because of this calling to write and abandon all else to go after that in faith, I've acquired a fear-laden perspective of rivers. And not yet the faith to step in knowing He'll walk with me through.
Some kayakers just rowed by and some ducks came "in for a landing"....
A few years back, a friend of mine was on the mission field. He happens to be one of my favorite writers so I loved to get his email updates. In them he would depict a recent events of fairly standard things happening in the field and in him; but his stories were so dramatic and gripping in the way that he crafted them. He was the main character and referred to himself as Trustin' Skywalker, because he was trusting the Spirit, the one who walks the skys. Yeah, a little cheesy, but with my love for story and movies, I'm a sucker for that sorta thing.
I began to imagine if I wrote a email update, how would I depict my life? Who would I be? I came up with the name, Wanderer the Warrior. Why? I had seen years back one of those name cards in a Christian book stores that said the name "Scott" means: the wanderer. Not very flattering. But an apt description of me on my worse days, I must say. In college when I took Greek, I discovered what Christopher means; to bear up Christ. Certainly something to strive for, displaying his glory with intention. Quite the juxtaposition of a name, a wanderer who bears up Christ. Oh, but I said I picked Wanderer the Warrior, well that was mostly for the alliteration I suppose. And also to remember my true, new identity, a warrior for God, to put on my new armor and fight for Him and bear Him up.
A bit of an aside there, but it relates in that I view myself a lot in those terms lately. Today will I wander along the side of the river? Will I unintentionally just go with the flow? Or will I go where He's calling me and keep in step with His spirit and step into the river, believing He's gone before me as He promised?
what keeps me on the side? what keeps you? Fear of unknown...not wanting to lose control...fear of failure....fear of What else? And what does stepping into the river actually look like in real life? what steps is he leading me to take? dare I even ask?
I could overanalyze and Overintellectualize and overspiritualize this to death (and I do), but the reality is if we're called to step into the river and He's leading us there, wandering or staying on the side is disobedience. It's really very black and white. But I don't like to view it that way...I have less excuses that way. Another reality is that if He wants me in the river, and He loves me, then it's a better place for me than the shore, even if I get swept away.
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